Time
by Ravynn Rampage
Summary: Zack is dead? First person. Funny as hell please read and review
1. The Funeral

Title: , Chapter 1

Rating: M…I think…

Timeline: AU…You'll find out sooner or later

Summary: Zack is dead. His funeral is now in the process. You might want to kill me for it later.

Disclaimer: 1st person Zack's POV. Later crossover

* * *

After the preacher spoke, Reno walked up to the stand.

"I'll miss Zack deeply," he said. "he gave me the best blow job."

Rude's mouth dropped open with shock.

"Oh, C'mon! I was drunk that night!" I said from behind the red-head. It was a waste of time since they couldn't hear me. Let alone see me.

Next, Vincent came up. I was quite surprised to be honest.

"I won't miss the guy. He wouldn't buy me a phone for my birthday."

"What the hell?! You're anti-fucking-social; you don't need a phone!"

Vincent stepped down and I sighed in relief, but it didn't take long before Aeris came up.

"I will miss Zack dearly. He promised to pay child support."

"What the fuck?! What part of 'That ain't my kid' did you not understand?"

I would have said more, but I was too bust grimacing over the next person to come up: Tifa.

"I'm not going to miss the bastard. He stole Cloud and his virginity from me."

To my surprise I had nothing to object to . I had to admit, I didn't think she would be so mad.

Cloud blushed furiously and I had to laugh.

"Zack was a great soldier, but I cannot forgive him for leaving Shinra," I heard Rufus say.

I was shocked, but it wasn't a complete surprise since he ordered his guys to kill me.

"So that's why I took his head while you all were outside!" He said with a huge smile as my head came into view.

My mouth dropped and I reached out for it (though I couldn't really get it), but Rufus ran down the stairs and out the door. I soon managed to recuperate; thank god.

"I'll miss Zack. He was like a father to me."

"Yuffie, you little _bitch_ kidder. How could I be like a father to you if we only talked once?!"

She stepped down and Rude stepped up.

"I never really talked to Zack, but when I did I could tell that he was a great guy that love life.--"

"And stealing Cloud's virginity!" Tifa shouted.

"-I also realized that he love Cloud. I could tell by the way he talked and looked at him." Rude finished.

I was at a total loss for words. I sat down on my "box" and stared up at Rude.

"Did you really see all that?" I asked in a low voice.

Rude walked away and Cloud walked up. To be honest, I was afraid of what he would say. Though I judge that by what everyone outside of Rude and Tifa had said.

"Zack was a great guy. He made me happy and turned me emo."

"I did no such thing," I said, pouting.

"But I loved him more than anything and will miss him."

I smiled at Cloud. It made me realize that I didn't want to die yet. I didn't want a funeral, but it was too late for that to not happen.

"Don't forget that he took you virginity!" Tifa shouted once again.

I covered my face with my hand and groaned. Cloud rolled his eyes and jumped off the stage.

Next…SEPHIROTH!?

My mouth drooped open as the silver haired psychopath walked up to the stand.

"I am upset that Zack died. Mostly, because I wanted to kill him myself."

I stared at him.

"I wanted to kill him for calling my an uke!"

I laughed at that one, but now I was afraid of how they were going to react about the will.


	2. The Will

Title: Time, Chapter 2

Rating: M…I think…

Timeline: AU…You'll find out sooner or later

Summary: Zack is dead. The reading of his will is now in the process. You might want to kill me for it later.

Disclaimer: 1st person Zack's POV. Later crossover

* * *

I sat down on the desk in my lawyer, Cid's, office, and looked at the people in front of me.

"Alrighty. It's come to my understandin' that ya'll are here for the readin' of the will," Cid said.

He picked up the paper the will was on and scanned it over quickly.

"Rude, Zack left you with Reno."

Reno's mouth dropped open.

"How the hell does he have the right to give people away?!"

Cid ignored Reno, which was usual and looked down at the will.

"Tifa, Zack wanted you to get this." Cid turned around to pick up a tape n his desk and tossed it to the other.

Next, Cid picked up a pair of scissors and threw them at Sephiroth, but missed and hit the space on the wall that was mere inches away from his head. Sephiroth's eyes widened, and he stare at the blond lawyer.

"What the hell was that for?" He asked in a surprised to.

"Zack gave them to you, so you could cut your hair," Cid informed him.

Sephiroth took the scissors out of the wall and walked over to the open door.

"Fuck you, Zack," he said, slamming the door behind him.

Yuffie put a finger on her temple and thought for a minute.

"Isn't that called necrophilia?" She finally asked when she came to that conclusion.

Cid stared at Yuffie for a minute then continued on.

"Aw, Sephy. If you told me that a bit sooner I would have said yes," I told myself.

"Cloud, you get his swords."

The blond smiled a bit and nodded his head.

"Vincent, You get all of Zack's firearms."

Vincent's eyes widened, but he kept his composure and nodded is head. My guess was that he was shocked.

"Aeris, Zack wanted me to tell ya something'"

"What is it?"

"That ain't his kid."

Her eyes widened. "That fucking bitch!" She yelled before stalking out of the room.

My eyes widened in shock. That was the first time anyone had ever heard her swear.

"Zack left you, Reno, with all of his secret movies."

Reno's pout turned into a huge smile. He grasped Rude's arm and snuggled close, which was hardly surprising.

"Rufus Shinra, bastard and boss, Zack left you with a life time supply of condoms and…Lube?"

Cid looked up from the will and stared at Rufus.

"He smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"What can I say? The guy knew me well."

Cid sighed and looked at Yuffie.

"Zack left all his alchohol to you, Yuffie, and wrote you a letter."

Yuffie smiled in delight. She looked so happy that it actually started to creep me out.

"Now that I finished readin' that, you guys can get off my back," Cid told them.

Everyone left his office, and Cid walked behind his desk. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a plushy of…ME!?

I stared at Cid as he kissed the plushy and felt my stomach churn.

It scared the shit out of me. I backed away and sprinted through the wall. I wouldn't even dare look back.


End file.
